In December and January we see a lot of media attention on
New Years resolutions. In December it is about making resolutions with a long
list of tips to create meaningful resolutions and in January we see tips to
make those resolutions a reality.
Sprinkled throughout this time period is acknowledgement that many
people who make such resolutions lose motivation to see them through much
beyond February.
One question that keeps me curious when all this talk of
change, breaking or creating new habits and how to get unstuck is based on an
observation that most of the advice seems to be rooted in making such changes
to gain, avoid, or reverse something else; and that by doing so this will ‘fix’
a multitude of things we are not happy about in our life. Have you ever clicked
on a link or picked up a book because a title spoke to that little voice inside
your head that said, “maybe this will be the method that helps me make that
change”? Understandably we want the
quickest and least disruptive method to success that we can have.
Do you subscribe to the theory that tackling one small
change at a time is the best way to be successful at making change stick, or do
you subscribe to the ‘all or nothing’ theory?
The push to change comes from various sources and it helps
to understand what those sources are and how they may or may not resonate with
us personally. When we find ourselves reacting to a change that is imposed on
us from an external source, such as in the workplace, our community, families,
and friends or from an internal source such as our desire for personal well
being, understanding the role the external and internal pressures play is a
good place to start. What changes are we making because of something that we
want for ourselves and what changes are we considering because of
organizational or societal pressures? Why do we make resolutions, the same
ones, year after year without ever achieving the outcomes we expected?
For example, Jill and Chris both smoked for thirty years and
had tried almost every quit smoking program available without success. Yet
continued to make the same resolution every year, taking the same approach of
trying the latest method to quit. Then one year Jill quit and has maintained
that for ten years. Chris is still making the same resolution using the same
method year after year, no one really expects Chris to quit anymore. The
difference between the choice of wording Jill began using when she quit and the
choice of wording that Chris uses is remarkably different. Jill started to talk
about quitting for reasons that came from within; Chris continues to cite
external reasons for quitting.
When you find yourself not meeting the desired outcomes for
a change of a habit or feeling stuck try the exercise of writing why you want
to make the change and evaluate which reasons come from within and which
reasons come from external pressures. This simple exercise raises our awareness
of why we do or do not move forward on change.
What clarity did you experience from that exercise? Did
anything surprise you or did it confirm what you already knew but perhaps hadn’t
thought about in the context of change?